Over the past few years we got to know the metrosexual man, the softies, the yuppies, the retro man and the lipstick lesbian. But 2010 announces the arrival of a new term: the hasbian. A hasbian is a woman who has been (or still is?) a lesbian, but who is currently maintaining a heterosexual relationship. The greatest example is the actress Anne Heche, who had a relation with Ellen Degeneres for more then 3 years before switching back to men.
It’s the dream of every egocentric macho man: to ‘convert’ a lesbian woman. But what is the difference between a hasbian and a bisexual? Some hasbians say they are just no longer attracted to women. Or they are equally attracted by males and females. It appears that most hasbians reject the term bisexual: it scares away lesbians because they don’t trust bisexual girls (who often just want to ‘experiment’) and it scares away men because they cannot live with the fear that maybe someday, she’ll fall in love with a woman again. Bisexual girls always bite the dust.
‘So let’s call ourselves Hasbians!’…someone must have thought. But this term was actually first used in 1989 (more than 20 years ago!), by the feminist magazine ‘off our backs’. So it’s hardly a new phenomenon. But how does a lesbian suddenly become a hasbian?
Some stated that maybe the novelty of gayness has worn off, after the big boom in the eighties and nineties. Others suggested that these women feel their biological clock ticking, their hormones go wild and suddenly men seem a lot more attractive. Two explanations that are rather disrespectful, as if gay people cannot be happy without achieving the idealistically hetero-image. Imagine that you came out of the closet some years ago, but now you fell in love with a wonderful man. Does that mean you have to out yourself again, as a heterosexual this time? With the risk that your grandmother will say: ‘I knew that one day she was going to change her mind and start a normal family life’.
And what about gay men who start dating women again, do they exist? I have never heard of such a story. Women don’t feel threatened by gay men, nowadays it’s even trendy if your BFF is a homosexual guy. Are we somehow more comfortable around gay men, who strut their stuff and are proud of it, than around gay women – who are less open about their gayness and prefer to keep their private life private?
In the end, does it really matter if we are gay, heterosexual, bisexual or asexual? As Anne Heche once said: “I fall in love, not with a man or a woman, but with a person’. If you want to meet a lot of hasbian, come to Berlin. Rent apartments in Berlin, the city of sexual tolerance, gays, lesbian, hasbian, fetish………